Cheating: Slacking off for Your Own Good

Cheating: Slacking off for Your Own Good 

2013 - I was entering my senior year in college. I'd like to explain my thinking behind what I did, but it doesn't make sense looking back on it now. For some odd reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take a full load, do 19 hours of work-study, and intern at a student center. On top of that, I also had a child in first grade at a school who loved sending home lots of homework. When I tell you I almost lost my mind, I am not even exaggerating. 

Not surprisingly, I was heavy in therapy during this period. My therapist always pointed out to me my tendency to put too many expectations on myself. She told me that I couldn't possibly do everything I was trying to do, and that I needed to give myself permission to not get everything done. 

"What would happen if instead of staying up that extra time to wash the dishes, you instead left them in the sink and went to bed early?", she asked. I got her point, the world definitely wouldn't end. No one was going to come lock me up or throw me out into the street. Still, even though I understood what she was saying, I couldn't quite let go of the burden of perfection that I was carrying. In my mind, it was either perfection or failure. Those were (and still often are), the only options I gave myself.  

Even so, the body/mind has a way of overriding you if you push yourself too far. I began to crack big time under the pressure. I eventually ended up leaving my work-study job, and moving a few other things around. What I want to focus on though is a seemingly small change that I made during this time that I think showed real growth. 

Are you ready?  Here it is: I switched all my daughter and I's meals to frozen meals. Let that sink in for a second. Doesn't it sound terrible? It sure did to me. I felt like the worst mom in the world! My therapist commended me. She pointed out that it was only to get me through the semester, and reminded me that my daughter was eating. Still, it really bugged me at the time. 

Looking back now, I think it was one of the best things I could have done. I was learning that when things are tough and out of control, sometimes there has to be sacrifices. I've continued to learn this lesson every time my depression rears its ugly head. If I find myself in a place where I cannot carry my usual load, it doesn't behoove me to just beat myself up about it. Instead I've learn to "cheat".  

I give myself permission to skip the chores for that night and go to bed earlier. I give myself permission to eat out a little more. I buy paper plates and plastic utensils, to cut down on dishes. I give myself permission to say no to hanging out as much. Sometimes, I just need to binge watch several hours of television instead of doing my Saturday morning errands.  

I'm not suggesting you let yourself completely fall apart. But give yourself some slack! What my therapist was telling me, and what I'm trying you tell you is that everything is not going to fall apart if you slack off here and there! Ignore that voice in your head that is telling you that you won't be the best (insert title) if you do not do (insert non imperative task). It's a lie!  

In case you are still having trouble knowing where it is ok to slack and where it isn't, here is a short comparative list:

NOT OK	OK
Not picking up your child at school/daycare  Skipping your daughter's wedding  Going to work without clothes  Neglecting to feed your dog	Not picking up your living room  Skipping happy hour with your co-workers  Going to work without makeup  Neglecting to feed your ficus

Did that seems a little funny or outrageous? If it did, it's because I contrasted really important things and not very important things. But really, that's the point! When you look at it like that, it is easy to see that somethings are (obviously) more important than others. However, when we are in the trenches, our brains do not always think that logically. 

Wrapping up: Please take a moment and think about your life. Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Is your physical and/or mental health taking a backseat to the expectations you've put on yourself? If so, take some time and think up 2-3 things you can skip doing, or alternatively, can put in place to take the load off for a little while. Then take that "cheat" time you saved and do something self-nurturing – even if that is Netflix and ice cream. You'll thank yourself for it later! 

Hey, thanks for reading this post. If you know anyone who might also benefit from reading it please share it with them. Also, I would love for you to leave me a comment telling me what you slack off on when you aren't feeling 100%. I hope your week is going great. Thanks for reading!